The ability to make intelligent choices is not inherent in children; rather, it must be taught to them.
If you were to ask any parent about the experience of raising a child nowadays, most would probably mention that modern childhood appears to be significantly more intricate and hazardous compared to our own childhood days.
Kids today have a wider range of choices and opportunities to make decisions compared to when we were their age, thanks to increased peer pressure, significant technological advancements, and the ability to access almost anything instantly through a mouse click or screen tap.
As parents, we have the expectation that we have successfully imparted strong values and resilience to our children, enabling them to consistently make wise choices. However, how can we guarantee that they will consistently make correct decisions, particularly in our absence? Although there is no foolproof solution, the following tips can assist your child in making intelligent choices even when you are not present.
1. Start conversations about smart decision-making early
Starting conversations with their children about how to make good decisions as early as possible is advised. Helping children understand the concept of making good decisions and emphasizing its significance can greatly contribute to their future achievements.
According to Kevin Zoromski, a psychologist and expert in early childhood development, it is beneficial to incorporate choices into children’s daily lives and regular routines. By doing so, children will anticipate being able to have some control over their household activities and it will also help establish their sense of responsibility as significant decision-makers.
2. Role model smart decision-making behaviors
When children observe and imitate the actions of those around them, particularly their parents, they acquire knowledge. By demonstrating good decision-making skills, you can strengthen the lessons you teach them. By being honest, responsible, and accountable for your actions, demonstrate to your child the values you espouse.
According to mental health expert Ketsupa Jirakarn, you are the primary and most crucial example for your child. Children constantly observe and acquire knowledge from you, even when you are unaware. Therefore, it is essential to ensure that you demonstrate what you advocate.
3. Set clear expectations and boundaries
Inform your child about your expectations regarding making wise choices. For older children, these expectations may involve consistently informing you about their whereabouts, refraining from using illegal substances such as drugs and alcohol, and avoiding potentially hazardous situations.
A report from The Center for Parenting Education states that when a warm, caring, and supportive relationship forms the foundation of the discipline you impose, children are more inclined to accept the limits you set and strive to meet your expectations, such as being responsible.
4. Practice makes perfect
Encourage your child to enhance decision-making skills by providing them with chances to practice. This can be accomplished by allowing them to make small decisions, like selecting their outfit for school or deciding what to have for dinner.
By giving them bigger choices, such as deciding whether to participate in a sports team or what to do with their allowance, you are also enabling them to learn about the consequences of their decisions through smaller actions. This empowerment will enhance their confidence in making larger decisions independently.
5. Develop their critical thinking skills
Developing the ability to think critically and independently necessitates an understanding of oneself, including strengths, weaknesses, and values, as well as having problem-solving abilities. By prompting your child to carefully analyze a situation and formulate a resolution, you can foster the growth and enhancement of their critical thinking skills.
A report from Frontiers for Young Minds highlights that during childhood and adolescence, the body undergoes numerous physical alterations alongside significant shifts in cognitive processes, emotions, behavior, and motivations. These changes are crucial for children to acquire the essential abilities required for successful transition into adulthood, which is achieved through a process of repeated trial and error.
6. Help them understand risks
Certain decisions have minimal consequences, whereas others have significant consequences.
To minimize the likelihood of unfavorable results, it is important to teach your child about distinguishing between significant and minor choices, as well as comprehending the risks linked to certain decisions. For instance, educate young children on the hazards of consuming excessive unhealthy food and spending excessive time on screens, while instructing older children on the perils of cyberbullying and underage alcohol consumption.
7. Nurture emotional intelligence
In a logical sequence, engage in a conversation with your child regarding the decisions they are currently confronted with and assist them in comprehending the various alternatives and the potential outcomes associated with each option. By imparting knowledge on how to assess information, recognize partiality, and reach well-informed choices, alongside guiding your child in comprehending and handling their emotions and making decisions that align with their principles, you will be providing valuable guidance to them.
According to Dr. Michele Borba, a parenting expert and author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing, emotional literacy begins during infancy when babies are able to form bonds and connect with their parents at a basic level. This process then progresses and develops over time.
8. Be supportive and consistent
In order to ensure that our children make wise choices in our absence, it is important for parents to show support and consistency in their reactions to their children’s decisions. If parents occasionally allow their children to escape the consequences of a poor choice, their children may not consider their expectations of making good choices without parental guidance as being serious.
According to a report from the National Institutes of Health, praising and validating your child when they make a good decision is important. Youth who have more positive interactions with parents tend to be better adjusted, and consistent discipline in parenting is specifically tied to achieving positive outcomes for youth.
9. Let them make mistakes
Our instinct as parents is to protect our children from any possible problems. However, allowing our kids to experience the consequences of their own mistakes and then discussing it with them afterwards will provide them with valuable knowledge.
10. Expose them to the ‘real world’
When we instinctively protect our children, we tend to shield them from the harsh reality of the world. However, exposing them to certain realities can be a valuable form of education. For instance, if you discover that your child is smoking, rather than simply punishing them and scolding them harshly, consider showing them images from the Internet that depict the damaged lungs of smokers.
Instead of them sitting in their room, getting angry at you for not allowing them out on Friday night, explaining the rationale behind your decision can be a more impactful approach. Although you might still impose a punishment, it should be accompanied by a concrete demonstration of the underlying reasons.
11. Teach your child to know herself
Having the ability to honestly look at oneself in the mirror and recognize one’s true identity is a crucial aspect of gaining wisdom. Children who possess the capability to differentiate their strengths and weaknesses tend to make more effective decisions based on their personal skills. The show American Idol served as a noteworthy illustration of this concept.
On this show, we consistently witnessed young individuals who genuinely believed that they were exceptional singers, despite the evident reality. It is essential to encourage children to explore numerous marvelous activities, but they should also comprehend that they may not excel in every endeavor.
12. Learn your child’s interests
Perhaps they have an interest in football. They might also have an interest in music, art, cooking, and other activities. Regardless of their interest, it is important to discover or assist your child in discovering their interests. Afterwards, offer real-life examples of individuals who have similar interests and have achieved success. This will impart the knowledge that success is attained through hard work and commitment, and these qualities are beneficial in making decisions.
13. Get involved
Getting your child involved in church youth groups, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, or other social organizations equips them with life skills that enhance their wisdom. This involvement also exposes them to positive peer pressure and raises the probability of making the right decisions.
If a child has a significant amount at stake to lose by behaving foolishly, their likelihood of doing so is greatly reduced. One effective method for becoming more engaged in your child’s life is to be present at their school. Investigate the possibility of participating in or initiating an All Pro Dad’s Day event.
14. Money, money, money
Teaching your child how to handle money properly is one of the best gifts you can give them. By teaching your child responsibility when it comes to money, it is likely that this trait will carry over into other aspects of their life. As an ancient proverb states, “Money is of no value in the hands of a foolish person who lacks the desire for wisdom.”
15. Pile on the PRAISE
Parents often focus on areas where their children need improvement, overlooking opportunities to praise their successes.
Do you remember hearing this conversation before? When we applaud our children for their accomplishments, it motivates them to continue making choices that lead to similar achievements.
16. The friends we keep
If the strength of a group is determined by its weakest member, it is crucial to impart the skill of selecting friendships to our children. While we may see ourselves as significant to our kids, their primary focus lies in their own social interactions and groups of friends.
In many situations, they are the ones being listened to rather than us. One reliable method to understand the path your child is taking is by familiarizing yourself with their friends. The saying goes, “Your friends reveal your future.”
17. Lead by example
“The best lessons in life are caught, not taught, by a child’s parents.”
If you don’t follow these principles, how can you expect your child to want to? Starting a conversation with a child using the phrase, “Do as you say, not as you do” is not effective. If necessary, use your own faults as an example of how not to behave and commit to improving.
