You play a crucial role in assisting your child in developing important social-emotional skills, such as empathy, as their primary role model. Empathy can be defined as comprehending others’ viewpoints, connecting with their encounters, and displaying care for their emotions.
There are two primary categories of empathy.
- Emotional empathy is the ability to feel someone else’s emotions, experience distress in response to their struggles, and respond with compassion — like feeling angry on your partner’s behalf when they’re mistreated.
- Cognitive empathy is the ability to recognize the emotions of others and understand why they feel a certain way — like noticing a frown on your friend’s face and realizing they’re likely mad or sad.
Humans possess an innate ability to empathize, indicating that they are biologically inclined to establish social connections and display concern for others. However, this capacity is not fully developed, which explains why children between the ages of 3 and 5 often exhibit limited regard for others.
Your child’s ability to practice empathy is not only important for building relationships with others but also for their overall well-being and mental health. Your guidance can be influential in helping them develop this crucial skill.
Included below are strategies for cultivating empathy in children, accompanied by experts’ recommendations for addressing difficulties that arise when children struggle to comprehend others’ emotions.
1. Discuss your own feelings and the feelings of others
According to Dr. Lynne Merk, a psychologist at the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, the process of naming emotions assists children in identifying various feelings within themselves and cultivating the required self-awareness to exhibit empathy towards others.
To facilitate this development, parents can name their own emotions and provide descriptions of how they feel in various situations.
According to Dr. Moe Gelbart, director of behavioral health at Torrance Memorial Medical Center, children rely on the adults around them to learn how to behave. In order to foster empathy in your child, you can assist in their development by highlighting the emotions experienced by others.
One possible way to rephrase the text while maintaining the same meaning would be: One option is to prepare a meal together with your child and give it to a neighbor, discussing the potential impact it may have on your neighbor’s emotions. Alternatively, while you and your child are out, if you come across a distressed child, you can identify the emotion by mentioning, for example, “Susie was crying at the park. Perhaps she felt sad because she had to leave.”
2. Focus on all of emotions
According to experts like Paul Ekman, it is advisable to concentrate on teaching children the six fundamental emotions initially, which include Anger, Disgust, Fear, Happiness, Sadness, and Surprise. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the extensive range of complex emotions we encounter, this approach proves beneficial. These emotions are universally experienced by individuals worldwide.
Acknowledging and validating children’s emotions, including the big ones, can help them develop emotional awareness, which is necessary for them to become aware of emotions in others. Language can serve as a mirror to children, allowing them to tune into their own feelings.
Fred Rogers recommended using questions to assist children in identifying and articulating their emotions. Some suggested questions include, “What emotions are you experiencing?” and “Is sadness a part of what you are feeling?” Rogers further advised narrating observations to children, such as, “Are you also experiencing anger internally?” Additionally, he proposed engaging in a discussion with children to determine the specific trigger behind their emotional response. For instance, asking, “Are you experiencing fear because of that dog?” or “Do you feel sad because mommy needs to say goodbye temporarily?”
In addition to modeling emotional awareness, we can demonstrate our own feelings and their reasons. Demonstrating the complete range of emotions is crucial in order to expose children to more than just positive emotions. By doing so, children come to understand that they have access to the entire spectrum of emotions. For instance, if you become angry, you can engage in a conversation with them about that moment and express that you were feeling somewhat upset about a specific situation.
It is actually beneficial for children to witness that we experience a wide range of intense emotions, discuss them openly, and effectively handle them.
In moments of vulnerability, we occasionally normalize emotions such as sadness or fear, demonstrating to children their presence in life and the importance of overcoming them. Moreover, we teach children the significance of being open to others, thus fostering the potential for deeper connections.
3. Show kids how to notice other people’s feelings
Engage in open discussions with children about the emotions of others. As children develop, they increasingly recognize and comprehend other individuals and their feelings. If your child is not yet capable of conversing about this topic, explain to them what you observe regarding the emotions of other people. Children have the ability to comprehend and comprehend language to a greater extent than they are able to articulate themselves.
Engage in reading books and narrating tales that depict characters experiencing and expressing fundamental emotions. Pause intermittently to examine the illustrations and contemplate the narrative, pondering collectively, “What emotions is the character experiencing? What could be the reasons behind their emotions? How can we perceive their emotions?”
When encountering someone in person who is expressing an emotion, take it as a chance to ponder, “In your perspective, what emotions do you believe grandma is experiencing and what could potentially be the cause behind those emotions?”
When considering when children should be responsible for apologizing, it is important to not rush the process and potentially overlook opportunities to instill empathy. If your child’s actions lead to someone else feeling sad, scared, or angry, it is advisable to resist the temptation to insist on an immediate apology.
In the first place, attempt to allocate time for your child to observe and understand the other person’s emotions, recognizing the link between the event and that particular feeling. Disregarding this valuable lesson in emotional empathy is common as we hurry to simply apologize and move on.
4. Use stories to spark discussion
As you read stories or watch a movie with your child, take breaks and inquire about their interpretation of a character’s emotions, particularly when the character encounters a setback or significant dilemma. Explore various facial expressions and their possible implications, or delve into the potential feelings that a specific obstacle could evoke in that character.
By analyzing how a character’s emotions shift in reaction to various events, your child can also apply these abilities to real individuals they encounter. For instance, if a character in a story becomes upset and tears up due to receiving a poor grade on a test, discussing the character’s feelings can assist your child in relating to a classmate experiencing a comparable situation in real life.
5. Praise your child when you notice them acting empathetically
According to research, it has been found that recognizing and commending the positive actions of your child can effectively strengthen the behavior and enhance the possibility of them behaving similarly in the future. Therefore, it is advisable to develop a routine of complimenting your child whenever you observe them displaying empathy and informing them that their actions have made you proud.
6. Stay patient
According to Dr. Courtney Cinko, a child and adolescent psychiatry specialist at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, the development of empathy requires time and can enhance through practice.
According to Cinko, young children lack the recognition that other people have differing experiences from their own. As a result, it is common for toddlers and preschoolers to display minimal empathy towards others’ emotions. For instance, they often struggle with sharing and may attempt to obtain a toy that another child is currently utilizing.
According to Cinko, as children’s brains develop and they observe adults around them showing concern for others, they can gradually acquire empathy. However, it is important to remember that empathy is a sophisticated ability that will keep developing as your child grows.
Tips to foster empathy in older children and teens
According to Gelbart, it is likely that tweens aged nine to 12 and teenagers will benefit from a more detailed explanation, robust conversation, and hands-on learning to develop empathy. To help older kids and teens become more empathetic, these tips can be useful:
- Discuss current events with them: Ask your kids to take different sides when debating political and social issues with you. This can help them consider perspectives they maybe haven’t before.
- Participate in community service activities: This has the most impact when your children actually engage with people in need instead of just dropping off donated items, Merk says. Ideas include volunteering at food pantries or homeless shelters.
- Use their interests to encourage taking action: For example, if they like animals, you might suggest they volunteer at an animal shelter. Or, if they are passionate about the environment, help them identify ways they can get involved with climate change advocacy.
- Limit their social media use: Social media can promote unrealistic perceptions about others, Pisano says, and take away from face-to-face interactions that help build empathy. Encourage your child to balance social media with other activities that promote community involvement and in-person relationships — like volunteering with a community organization or joining an after-school club where they can form relationships with classmates who share similar interests.
