Important Table Manners for Tweens & Teens You Need to Teach Now

You probably taught your kids manners when they were little, but table manners become a much bigger topic when kids become teens!

You may feel like it’s too early to start talking about eating out on a job interview, or with college professors, but those things will come up fast, and you probably wont be able to do a crash course by then.

This subject is not just for little kids. They may be the earliest skills we teach them, but there is always room for improvement. Once kids are in middle school, it is time for them to learn more advanced concepts.

The best way to teach your middle schooler manners is to keep it simple.

When children use proper table manners, it makes dining with them a more pleasant experience for everyone. This is something that older kids should understand.

When you are sitting at the dinner table, you should put your napkin on your lap, hold your pinky out when taking a sip of water, and place your fork upside down on your plate when you are finished.

That’s proper table etiquette after all. Should your child follow those rules?

Is there a formal set of table manners that children should follow? Probably not, but there are surely some manners that they should follow while eating at the table.

You Should Know Many Table Manners are Cultural!

First and foremost, table manners are largely cultural. Eating with your fingers from a common bowl in the middle of the table is considered impolite in many countries around the world.

While kids in previous generations were expected to strictly follow table manners or face punishment, I think it’s important to teach our kids that other families may have different eating habits, in addition to teaching them table manners.

This allows them to be respectful and accommodating to the different ways families may eat as they grow up.

Working on Kid’s Table Manners is Fine, BUT….

It’s okay if you want some civility and manners, which are common in western cultures. There can be some harmful circumstances to a child’s eating when table manners are being enforced.

You may not want your child to eat with their fingers, but if they are a picky eater with sensitivity to textures, it may be a good idea to let them eat with their hands.

We worry about table manners starting with our babies. We carefully wipe their face after every bite. However, it is beneficial for babies to experience messiness so that they will not be as sensitive to different textures when they are seven years old.

TABLE ETIQUETTE

In order to feel comfortable in more formal settings, tweens and teens should keep practicing their table etiquette.

This is the best way to avoid any potential embarrassing situations for your guests or hosts while you are not present.

Manners are not an inborn trait, but rather a skill that must be practiced.

It is time to increase the training and have higher expectations for your tween during mealtime.

This checklist is a helpful tool to use to keep track of the skills you are working to improve.

TABLE MANNERS FOR TEENS

This list will teach your tweens and teens how to be great table mates.

TECHNOLOGY

Keep your phone away from the table and off during meal times. Keep them put away. If possible, don’t even bring them with you. It’s rude to spend time on your phone when you’re around friends and family because you’re essentially ignoring them.

RETAINER ETIQUETTE

Don’t take out your retainer at the table. Period. Remove it prior to sitting down to eat. After you finish, don’t put it back in until you leave the table.

CHEWING GUM

You should throw it away instead of leaving it on the edge of your plate, in your napkin, or under the table.

NAPKINS AREN’T JUST FOR DECORATION

You need to unfold your napkin when you sit down and place it on your lap. Be sure to use it to wipe your mouth while you’re eating.

A sleeve should never be used in place of a napkin.

WHAT’S WITH THE SILVERWARE?

Use your knife to cut your food instead of using the side of a fork. The prongs of your fork and knife should be facing up and the handles should be facing down when you are not using them.

Do not use your silverware as a weapon, either in reality or as pretend.

What Table Manners Should Kids Have?

The priority shouldn’t be on teaching young kids table manners, but that doesn’t mean to completely ignore them. The table manners you should work on with your kid are using utensils, not putting their elbows on the table, and chewing with their mouths closed. Here are 11 important rules for children, along with the exceptions to the rule and the age at which children are typically able to master them.

Kids Table Manner #1: Wash Hands Before Eating

Since kids are always touching things, it’s important to teach them to wash their hands before they eat. This isn’t just good manners, but it’s also good hygiene. having this table manner won’t stop your child from being picky with their food, or from any other sensory or developmental issues they might have, so it’s a good one to practice.

An exception to the table manners listed in the table is if your child is about to try a new food and you’re cooking dinner. In this case, don’t stop them from trying the food even if they didn’t wash their hands first.

Kids Table Manner #2: Sitting at a Table for Meals

Children will not develop healthy eating habits or try new foods if they are snacking while walking around or eating in front of the television.

This can be a hard for some kids. If there are sensory issues, allow kids to stand or sit on a yoga ball. If your child is an extremely picky eater, they may need time to get used to eating at the table. You may need to focus on only one meal a day.

Age child can complete: Start feeding your child at the table as a baby, and children of all ages can sit at the table.

Kids Table Manner #3: Using Utensils to Eat

In Western cultures, eating with utensils is polite. Working on this is also a great way to improve fine motor skills for kids. I think that this kid’s table manners do not need to be followed explicitly, especially under the age of 8. Kids are still exploring the different textures of food and learning what they like and don’t like.

However, if a child is unable to use utensils because they lack the skills, that is a different issue.

If that is the case, you will want to teach them how to use a spoon, fork, or knife.

If your child is a picky eater, it is okay to encourage them to use utensils at times, but if they choose to eat without utensils, do not enforce the rule until their eating habits improve.

Kids Table Manner #4: Wipe Your Face with a Napkin

Make sure your child has a napkin next to their plate at every meal. If your child is resistant to getting messy, this may be due to them being tactically defensive. If they know they have a napkin to clean themselves up, it could help them eat more. I wouldn’t have babies or toddlers wipe their face until the end of the meal.

If a child aged six or over has a lot of ketchup on their face, you can ask them to wipe it off. I would also encourage them to pay attention to the feeling of food on their face while they are eating, and if they feel something to wipe it off.

After your child finishes eating, have them wipe their mouth 3 times with their napkin before getting up from the table.

An exception to the table manners outlined in the previous text is that if children are picky eaters and they have a messy face, no matter how old they are, it is okay to let it go until the end of the meal. It’s not important right now.

Kids Table Manner #5: Cover Mouth for Burping and Say Excuse Me

If you have boys, you get this one. Impromptu burping competitions can happen at any moment! Kids may needed frequent reminders that if they need to burp to:

Tuck their chin
Close or cover their mouth
Say, “Excuse me”.

It’s considered impolite to belch loudly in the middle of a meal.

The only exception to this rule is if your child is a picky eater and they accidentally burp. In this case, I will address it briefly. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it if they’re eating well. After the meal, you can always teach them the three steps.

Kids Table Manner #6: Don’t Reach, Pass the Food

If your child wants a second helping of food, explain to them that it is polite to ask for the food to be passed to them, rather than reach across the table for it. Some kids will need to repeat this a lot.

The only exception to this rule is for picky eaters. If your child unexpectedly starts asking for more broccoli, then it’s probably not the time to start enforcing the “can you please pass the broccoli” rule.

Kids Table Manner #7: Say Please and Thank You when Being Served

The last thing any parent wants is for their child to be eating in someone else’s house and appear rude. Make sure to remind your child to say please when they want food or drink during a meal, and thank you when somebody gives them food or drink.

Even though it’s important to remind your child to say please and thank you, be careful not to turn mealtime into a negative experience.

Kids Table Manner #8: Chew With Your Mouth Closed

No one likes watching someone else chew their food. Some kids naturally keep their mouths closed and this is not a problem. The kids who have trouble chewing gum are usually the ones who are trying to eat fast and talk at the same time.

If your child is chewing with their mouth open, remind them to close it as others can see what they’re eating.

I have also found it helpful to show what chewing with your mouth open looks like and what it sounds like. This can be a strong visual for kids.

Kids Table Manner #9: Don’t Stuff Too Much Food in Your Mouth

Some kids stuff a ton of food in their mouth because they’re in a hurry, or they don’t feel like cutting up their food. You want to remind the person to slow down while eating and to chew their food before taking the next bite.

Some kids stuff because of a sensory processing reason. Sometimes kids can’t feel where a single piece of food is in their mouths, so they stuff a bunch in. Sometimes they just want the pressure on their cheeks from all that food. If a child is a picky eater, they may need some help with sensory strategies when it comes to food.

If a child is stuffing too much food in their mouth, it is not safe and should be addressed no matter the reason.

Kids Table Manner #10: Clean Up Your Plate

A great way for your child to learn responsibility and help you is to have them put their plate by the sink or in the dishwasher when they’re finished eating.

But, it also solidifies that the meal is over.

This is a big one when your child eats over at a friend’s house. Make sure your teen understands that this is not something they do to ‘show off’, but to show respect to their hosts. And it’s a great way to ensure they are invited back!